As you probably already know, the Darwin awards are awarded annually
for the most extreme act of (occasionally terminal) stupidity - these
were for 2003.
RUNNER-UP The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim
to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out
and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
RUNNER-UP A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for
his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find
a woman had taken the space for her car. Understandably, he shot her.
RUNNER-UP After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers
to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
discovered for 3 days.
RUNNER-UP An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he
was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving
train before he was hit.
the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the
register, which he clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from
the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total
amount of cash he got from the drawer? $15. (If someone points a gun
at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?)
RUNNER-UP Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event
was caught on videotape.
RUNNER-UP As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store; a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To
which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."
RUNNER-UP The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
RUNNER-UP Kentucky Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine
by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup
truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though,
they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene
and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With
their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license
plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
DARWIN WINNER, 2003. When his .38-caliber Revolver failed to fire at
his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California,
would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder: He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This
time it worked.
